Numb

[wolfendreams]

I'm tired. So tired. I don't really feel hopeless or sad or whatever. I feel numb. Like I'm floating and everything is just...there. Passing by, happening, but I'm not truly a part of it. Probably not good but I don't know what else to even do. No one listens to me. Anything I have to say or ideas or whatever is ignored and pushed away unless it's very good then it pops out of their mouths like it was theirs.

And they wonder why I just go quiet. Why speak when no one hears?

So much has happened. 3 family members gone in less than 2 years. So much legal stuff to deal with. So much pain. Pour it out to...who? Get it out on paper and then what...it's still there. And now I have a messy page most would probably think I'd have to be suicidal to write. But I'm not. Not anymore. Haven't been for a long time now. A very long time, which is good.

Numbness has a certain...safety. Maybe one day something will break...I'll break....I don't know. Things hurt...then they don't. Then they do. Rinse and repeat.