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Jan. 10th, 2020 11:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolfendreamsDunno what's wrong with me today - woke up nervous and jittery. I hate that feeling. Something bad tends to follow when that happens.
Neighbor complained to son about the dogs barking. On the one hand, I'd like to just go - dogs bark, you live on a road where nearly every house has dogs, blah blah. But they're getting on my nerves too, and I don't want to risk them calling someone on me - I've had enough of the "authorities" around here. They do whatever the hells they want and that's that. A man died in front of me in my own driveway, and I wasn't even talked to and it wasn't even in the paper, and what I know they've done to others...yeah, sure. My luck they'd show up and shoot a dog or take them and what I've been trying to avoid will come to pass.
So I've had to give up and order some things to help curb the barking. I will admit - Bean is excessive. He has toys, he gets taken off his chain (hooked to a small run that has his house and a roof) to run around, lots of attention, but he's young and still noisy. Think he's bred too close honestly, but 2 hours straight today until he was hoarse. That's insane. They feed off each other. Mikey is doing fine so long as he has his house and has no desire to take his collar off and slip his chain (thank goodness, as that dog has the shortest neck for one his size I've ever seen and it's hard to keep a collar on him), Nisha is so old she doesn't give a damn about anything...Ellie is freaking insane. She is used to her med now and still neurotic as ever. She will not stay home and I don't trust her fully in some ways, so order a zip line. Here's to hoping she does better than she did when she had a nice run and big house - she injured herself to get out of her harness. I've never seen a dog hurt herself so badly to get out of a harness...my vet hadn't either.
I want to honor my grandparents in my promise to keep Ellie and Mikey out of a shelter after their deaths but...Ellie has cost me over 1K in 3 months, not counting this latest attempt to keep her home. That's nearly my monthly pay. She's still not...right.
It's breaking my heart. :'( Completely breaking it. I've contacted rescue groups but no one will take her or Bean - full up, or only work with high kill shelters. Vets have no leads. Even the pet store doesn't. And from what I hear, people are trying to give away dogs all over, esp with the mill (one of the main sources of jobs here) closing down at the end of March. Even the cat rescue is too full to take anyone, so Squeaky, Bootsie, and Spooky are still here.
I offered help to the cat rescue. I can't do finances or transport, but I can shelter the babies who need it for short term and bottle feed if necessary. And I can certainly help them coordinate fosters, appointments, and transports to no kill shelters and sanctuaries. No one has spoken to me though. Vet said the lady in charge had run off the other volunteers, so I'm no longer hopeful I can help at all. And since I rent, I can't get approved as a rescue myself supposedly.
There's a lot going on on another front too. And my heart is broken all over again. The anniversary of my youngest son's death three years ago is coming up at the end of the month, there's other things, my mom is moving into assisted living, my grandparents' estate still not settled and now I have to take that over totally...One hand, everything is ok. I have faith it will be and I'm not alone. On the other hand, I feel totally out of control and my life in a tailspin.
There's a certain thing that could go very very bad, very good, or just...okay. And it's totally out of my control and I won't know a thing until sometime next month. But it's something that majorly affects my son and I and those with the power to fix it have no inclination to do so. I wish I could talk about it. But that's not allowed either. My son and I are not in trouble...but it affects us majorly, and I hear him sometimes, in his way, praying to Deity/Creator/God/whatever you wish to call it, asking why and asking for help because he knows we can't fix it.
For over 2 years now, our lives have been cruising along, then utter chaos, then ok, then chaos, on and on, up and down. So frustrated! And I'm not allowed to talk. Which hurts even more.
Maybe it's just all this piling up on me. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed or over tired or whatever. Just a bad day.
In other news - made some good progress in research in genetic splicing for my book.
Neighbor complained to son about the dogs barking. On the one hand, I'd like to just go - dogs bark, you live on a road where nearly every house has dogs, blah blah. But they're getting on my nerves too, and I don't want to risk them calling someone on me - I've had enough of the "authorities" around here. They do whatever the hells they want and that's that. A man died in front of me in my own driveway, and I wasn't even talked to and it wasn't even in the paper, and what I know they've done to others...yeah, sure. My luck they'd show up and shoot a dog or take them and what I've been trying to avoid will come to pass.
So I've had to give up and order some things to help curb the barking. I will admit - Bean is excessive. He has toys, he gets taken off his chain (hooked to a small run that has his house and a roof) to run around, lots of attention, but he's young and still noisy. Think he's bred too close honestly, but 2 hours straight today until he was hoarse. That's insane. They feed off each other. Mikey is doing fine so long as he has his house and has no desire to take his collar off and slip his chain (thank goodness, as that dog has the shortest neck for one his size I've ever seen and it's hard to keep a collar on him), Nisha is so old she doesn't give a damn about anything...Ellie is freaking insane. She is used to her med now and still neurotic as ever. She will not stay home and I don't trust her fully in some ways, so order a zip line. Here's to hoping she does better than she did when she had a nice run and big house - she injured herself to get out of her harness. I've never seen a dog hurt herself so badly to get out of a harness...my vet hadn't either.
I want to honor my grandparents in my promise to keep Ellie and Mikey out of a shelter after their deaths but...Ellie has cost me over 1K in 3 months, not counting this latest attempt to keep her home. That's nearly my monthly pay. She's still not...right.
It's breaking my heart. :'( Completely breaking it. I've contacted rescue groups but no one will take her or Bean - full up, or only work with high kill shelters. Vets have no leads. Even the pet store doesn't. And from what I hear, people are trying to give away dogs all over, esp with the mill (one of the main sources of jobs here) closing down at the end of March. Even the cat rescue is too full to take anyone, so Squeaky, Bootsie, and Spooky are still here.
I offered help to the cat rescue. I can't do finances or transport, but I can shelter the babies who need it for short term and bottle feed if necessary. And I can certainly help them coordinate fosters, appointments, and transports to no kill shelters and sanctuaries. No one has spoken to me though. Vet said the lady in charge had run off the other volunteers, so I'm no longer hopeful I can help at all. And since I rent, I can't get approved as a rescue myself supposedly.
There's a lot going on on another front too. And my heart is broken all over again. The anniversary of my youngest son's death three years ago is coming up at the end of the month, there's other things, my mom is moving into assisted living, my grandparents' estate still not settled and now I have to take that over totally...One hand, everything is ok. I have faith it will be and I'm not alone. On the other hand, I feel totally out of control and my life in a tailspin.
There's a certain thing that could go very very bad, very good, or just...okay. And it's totally out of my control and I won't know a thing until sometime next month. But it's something that majorly affects my son and I and those with the power to fix it have no inclination to do so. I wish I could talk about it. But that's not allowed either. My son and I are not in trouble...but it affects us majorly, and I hear him sometimes, in his way, praying to Deity/Creator/God/whatever you wish to call it, asking why and asking for help because he knows we can't fix it.
For over 2 years now, our lives have been cruising along, then utter chaos, then ok, then chaos, on and on, up and down. So frustrated! And I'm not allowed to talk. Which hurts even more.
Maybe it's just all this piling up on me. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed or over tired or whatever. Just a bad day.
In other news - made some good progress in research in genetic splicing for my book.
